Thursday, October 10, 2019
7:56 am pdt
The other morning, the radio guy warned me (well, not me personally) to avoid
a stretch of Highway 30 up by St. Helens "at any cost." What are we talkin' here? If it's just because traffic is jammed, heck, I'd be willing to drive up there and sit in traffic for a couple hundred
bucks. Cash on the table, I'd probably do it for less than that. Let's see... it's
about an hour round trip from my house to St. Helens, and if I had to sit in traffic for an hour, at $50 dollars an hour...
plus gas, and then I want some profit out of the deal. Yeah. It's going to take at least $200. If it's more than just a traffic problem, though... Once again, what are we talkin' here? Has a Kraken
come out of the Columbia River and it's eating cars as they go down the highway? If that's the
case, yeah, you couldn't pay me enough to go up there... maybe. I mean, how much are you
willing to pay? I'm not risking my life for $200, that's for sure, but for $200,000? Maybe. Half a million? Well.... A million? Yeah. Where's
the car keys?
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
2:03 pm pdt
Just Keep Coming!
As in: There are countless
times that I've told students not to use clichés. The thing is, they are countable. Just because
I'm too lazy to count them doesn't make them "countless." Even the stars and grains of sand can be counted.
It may take awhile, and it may not be worth the effort just to say you've done it, but they can be counted.
"More Than Happy"
What? Are we now
all speaking in New Speak, where we no longer have adjectives to express emotions that go beyond mere happiness? "Gee,
Mildred, when I'm around you I'm Double-Plus Happy!" If you're more than happy... then what are you? To aid
in your lack of vocabulary, we here at HGP offer the following synonyms:
ecstatic, elated, electrified, excited, exhilarated, exuberant, jovial, joyous, jubilant, overjoyed, thrilled, blissful,
delighted, euphoric, breezy, festive, jolly, cheery, cheerful, fun-loving, triumphant, celebratory, enchanted, and charmed.
Friday, October 4, 2019
8:53 am pdt
We're All Unique in Our Own Ways
Yes, and water is wet in its own way. So nice of you to clear that up.
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
3:58 pm pdt
More Advertising Nonsense: The Ultimate in Wi-Fi!
There is a cable company currently offering "the ultimate in wi-fi
experience." The "ultimate wi-fi experience" means that's it. This is a far as it goes.
It's never getting better. Yeah, it may be good now, but the one thing for certain about technology is that it advances.
Just look an any old television. It was once cutting edge. Now, you probably can't give it away. So if that
company is never improving, my advice is not to sign a long term contract.
3:43 pm pdt
With Clichés: I Couldn't Be Happier
Are you sure? Do you really know your limits on
happiness? Like happiness can be measured? And you've measured it? "Well,
Bob, I'd like to be happier, but that's as far as it goes."
If you must use such a trite
phrase as this, for McTibbet's sake, don't sell yourself short. If, say, it's buying a new truck that you couldn't be
happier about... Boy, that doesn't say much for your wedding day, or the births of your children.