Friday, December 27, 2013
8:59 am pst
Life’s Not Fair
Those who use this phrase usually cannot resist
tacking on, “So get used to it.” Now there’s a great thing to tell a kid who’s perceived an
injustice in the world. Why don’t you tell her that her puppy’s going to grow old and die, too? Probably
a horrible death. What you are asking is that the child accept that life is unfair, to not even try to make it any different.
Give up. Is it any wonder that children grow up so damned cynical when they complain to those people who might actually
be able to make things better and the only response they get is, “Life sucks. Get used to it”? Sure,
children can whine a lot. And often their concept of what is fair is based solely on whether they like it or not, which
is truly unrealistic. But that takes time and patience to explain to a child. And who wants to do that when it’s
so much easier to use a cliché?
Friday, December 20, 2013
9:32 am pst
You Can’t Blame Me for Trying
Of course we can! What kind of defense is that? “Well, your Honor, my client only
tried to rob the bank, and he only tried to shoot the guards, and he only tried to run down all those people when he was trying
to get away. But we can’t blame him for trying.”
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
1:41 pm pst
ad campaign states, "The best surprises are always hidden." That's a bit like saying that the best water is
always wet. But here's the thing: Regardless of how stupid that is, somebody else thought it was clever enough
to pay that person for it. Seriously, was there nobody at the ad agency brave enough or smart enough to say, "What?"
Or did they think that nobody would ever notice just how stupid that really is?
10:30 am pst
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
4:17 pm pst
The History of the Future
April 14, 2068: When
a combination of genetic mutations, xeno-morphic-splicing, and something “really weird that he was doing with a blender
and a blow torch,” Clyde Weysenhausen created a pig that could actually fly, albeit not very well. When asked
why he did such a thing, Weysenhausen replied, “What? You hear them too! Dull people thinking they sound
clever by using clichés! Well, there’s one they can’t use anymore!” Weysenhausen died
the following year when his crocobear ate him, and the pig flew into a bus. All they could save were its ribs.
As a side note, people actually stopped using the phrase “When pigs fly,” replacing it with “When ducks