The Holy Grail Press
Doing Absolutely Nothing for Over 40 Years
This is the entire Pizza family (except for baby Pepironi, who is in the hock shop) (ignore Semor). In the story you’re about to read you will need to be acquainted with them all.
One day Papa looked at the calendar. In just one week it would be his and Mama’s 25th anniversary! Papa and Mama had been looking forward to this date for a long time. At last they would get to take that honeymoon they never had... to Niagara Falls!!
They couldn’t leave the kids alone, so Aunt May can to babysit.
Aunt May was the meanest babysitter that ever lived.
Then Mama and Papa left.
While Mama and Papa were gone Aunt May was getting to be unbearable. She rang a bell for everything. Lunch, dinner, breakfast, snacks, inspection, calisthenics, and to talk on the telephone.
The kids were planning action.
Papa and Mama finally made it to the falls. When they got there the first thing Mama did was look at the plaques on the wall honouring the people who had gone off the falls in barrels.
“Why couldn’t Papa be brave?” Mama wondered. Papa was braver than Mama would ever know... he married her.
Then, that night at supper, all Mama did was make google-eyes at the waiter! How disgusting!
After supper Mama watched TV until four in the morning.
All the next day Mama just flirted with the men at the pool. Somehow, someway, Papa would have to prove himself to Mama. Then he knew. As Papa looked into the falls he knew how he would prove himself.
MEANWHILE... back at home.
The kids had overthrown Aunt May, and they had her tied up above a boiling vat of spaghetti sauce.
What was really terrible was that they had even broken her bell!
The kids were happy, but their happiness didn’t last long...
The cops ran in the house and busted open the medicine cabinet.
The cops then ran downstairs and saw Aunt May. They thought it was some sort of ritual. The sergeant told one of the cops to cut her down.
The cops took everyone to jail where they were all locked up.
AT THAT VERY MOMENT, back at Niagara Falls...
Papa had gotten in a barrel and was about to go off the falls.
Throwing up his arms to hug Mama, he let go of the railing, thus sending him plunging down the falls!!
The next day after hunting all night, the searcher found part of the barrel.
Mama broke into tears and fell on the ground crying.
BACK AT HOME...
the kids had been fingerprinted and had their mugshots taken. They were booked, and now were going to trial.
Being that they were Papa Pizza’s off-spring and with the outstanding reputation of Papa, the jury accepted that as enough defense.
The jury then left, and in a minute came back.
The kids were set free, and since they didn’t have any money for a cab, they had to walk. When they were walking home a truck pulled up to them.
It was Shrimp the Pimp, and he had just robbed the supermarket.
Now he wanted to take the Pizza family as hostages.
The Shrimp kept Giovoni up front so none of the kids would jump out.
Suddenly, as they were going around a corner the door flew open and the Shrimp fell out!
Giovoni quickly took the wheel and got the truck under control. He was driving the truck to the police station when the cops stopped him.
AS WE RETURN TO NIAGARA FALLS...
Papa was assumed dead and a wreath was thrown onto the water.
But, little did they know, at that very moment five miles down the river...
Papa was swimming as far away from Mama as he could.
But he just didn’t swim fast enough. A search who hadn’t given up “rescued” Papa and took him back.
Mama was so happy she screamed with joy!
Papa got his picture on the plaque!
Although they still had four days of their vacation left, the first three days were too much for them, so Papa and Mama decided to head back home.
SPEAKING OF HOME...
The kids had gotten off the bum rap and had given enough evidence to convict Shrimp the Pimp.
When the kids got outside, there was a beautiful black Cadillac. The people who owned it were offering them a ride, and since they didn’t want to walk, they accepted.
The two people put Celest between them, and when they got out of town one of them pulled a gun and was about to shoot her. Since she didn’t like the idea of getting shot, she ducked.
The crook, seeing what he had done, threw down the gun and ran.
Celest picked the gun up and shot at him.
Suddenly a cop car pulled up.
TALKING ABOUT BARS...
Papa got thirsty, so he pulled over to a roadside bar.
After about two hours his thirst was quenched.
Papa set out for home. Papa was going down the road when a truck got in his way.
Papa had to think fast.
Since the car would go, Papa and Mama had to “thumb.”
They finally got a ride.
MEANWHILE... back at home...
After getting off the murder rap the kids went back home with a police escort
and barricaded themselves in the house.
Then, one day as Romona was checking out the locks on the windows...
Papa and Mama just stood and looked at the house. The kids thought that they were overcome with awe to be home again. The truth was that they were afraid to step on a mine and be blown up.
That night they had a big bar-be-cue to celebrate their being together again.
Later on that night, as the kids were playing, their ball bounced out in the street.
Giovoni ren ran after it.
All was well once again with the Pizza family.