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For Susan

Copyright © 1987 and 2024 by Michael Soetaert.

Published by the Holy Grail Press, Portland, Oregon.

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This is a Bumble Bee.

Bumble Bees are cross.

Bumble Bees are obnoxious.

Bumble Bees have nasty three inch stingers and no sense of humour.

So much for Bumble Bees.

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This is a Tuffted-Tittletuf.

The Tuffted-Tittletuf is like many birds.

This is a male Tittletuf.

Notice the amazing array of colours.*

This Tittletuf is trying to attract a mate.


*For your own copy of the Deluxe Hard Bound Colour Edition, please seen $79.95, plus another $3.00, to the Holy Grail Press.  Allow sufficient time for your check to clear.


This is a female Tittletuf.

She is like many birds.

Notice the plainness of colour.

The male Tittletuf has captured her eye.

Notice the amazing array of horniness.


See the motel.

It is a bird motel.

They don’t demand I.D. at the desk.

Only $20.00 up front.

See cabin number six.

Remember the Tittletufs?

The didn’t have any I.D.

They had $20.00 up front.


This is a mated pair of Tuffted-Tittletufs.

The male Tittletuf is still amazing.

He is proud.

He is going to be a father.

He wants all of his old buddies to know.

The female is no longer horny.

She is maternal.

She is amazing, too.


This is a mated male Tittletuf.

He is no longer amazing.

He is grubbing worms.

He is grubbing worms in the rain.

Grub.  Grub.  Grub.

He is the parent of four children.

He must grub 16 hours a day, seven days a week.

Where is the female Tittletuf?

She is off grubbing worms, too.

She doesn’t stop to sit down.

If you laid four eggs, you wouldn’t stop to sit down, either.


This is Dr. Leroy Vexine.

Dr. Vexine won the Nobel Prize for Obscure Research in 1957.

Dr. Vexine proved that birds are stupid.

Stupid.  Stupid.  Stupid.

Why else would they grub worms everyday for six month in the rain, only to be eventually kicked out of their own homes by their overgrown children, whom they still grub worms for in the rain?

Why else would they fly to a temperate climate only to turn around and fly back so they can grub worms another six months in the rain – for the rest of their lives?


This is Dr. Ivan Tupidsay.

He won the 1958 Nobel Prize for Obscure Research.

He proved that Dr. Vexine, who won the 1957 Nobel Prize for Obscure Research, was an idiot.

Idiot.  Idiot.  Idiot.

He proved that Dr, Vexine was an idiot by discovering the Philliket-Naw.

The Philliket-Naw was a prehistoric bird.


This is an artist’s rendition of the Philliket-Naw.

It was drawn after studying a fossilized beak segment and a fossilized partial footprint.

The Philliket-Naw was a smart bird.

Smart.  Smart.  Smart.

The Philliket-Naw flew to a warmer climate and stayed there.

The Philliket-Naw is now extinct.


This is the Nobel Peace Prize Committee.

They decide things.

They decide who gets things.

They decide who doesn’t.

They decided in 1959 not to give out anymore Nobel Prizes for Obscure Research.


Remember Julie and Ed Tittletuf?

Their four children grew up and kicked them out of the nest.

Thelma Jane, Charlotte Sue, and Clifford all eventually found mates and are out grubbing for worms, too.


Julie and Ed Tittletuf’s youngest son was named Paul.

Paul flew to a warmer climate and stayed there.

Ed Tittletuf later disowned Paul when he was seen coming out of a known gay bar with a Flamingo.

Flamingoes are the only known descendants of the Philliket-Naw.

Flamingoes are going extinct, too.


Whatever happened to Ed Tittletuf?

He was smashed flat while grubbing worms in the street.

The car was driven by newlyweds.

They never saw poor Ed.

Poor Ed never saw them.


Julie gave Ed a wonderful funeral.

Wonderful.  Wonderful.

All the children came.

Even Paul.

But Paul didn’t go inside.

Paul just showed up at the cemetery.

Julie Tittletuf remarried.

She and her new husband both fly south every winter.

And they both return every spring to grub worms.

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