top of page

Law 101

A Compendium of Laws, Rules, Axioms, and Assorted Corollaries

The First Thing You Should Always Consider About Anything: You could be wrong.

Bebo’s First Law of Double Doors: If one of the doors is locked, it will invariably be the one you try first.

Commuter’s Corollary #1: The shortest path to anywhere will never include railroad crossings or drawbridges.

Commuter’s Corollary #2: The fastest lane is the one you are not in.

Commuter’s Corollary #3: The time it will take you to get anywhere is directly inverse to how quickly you’re wanting to get there.

Grampa’s Secret to Old Age: Never expect anything bigger than you to yield. Addendum #1: Know how big you are. Addendum #2: In case of a tie, you lose.

The Only Axium that Truly Matters about who has the Right of Way: The person who has the right of way is always the person most willing to wreck her of his car, regardless of what the sign says.

The First Rule to Living a Long Life: Never assume anybody is going to do the sensible thing.

Earl’s Law (well, not so much a law than something to keep in mind): Thinking is not the same as knowing.

Nadine's Law: Never do anything once that you don’t want to do again.

The Adams’ Law of Odds: The odds of something happening immediately are directly proportional to the chances that it won’t, and the degree that you really don’t want it to.

The Law of Averages: If it happens to you, it’s 100%.

The Cool Crest Corollary: Groups on the golf course move at the rate of slowest group.

The Cool Crest Corollary Corollary: The Cool Crest Corollary applies to everything in life.

The First Rule of Disc Golf (and probably everything): There is no glory in laying up.

The Reverend Bidwell’s Only Religious Axium: It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to seriously reconsider any religion that can justify genocide.

The Evangelical Corollary: All really great lies begin with the truth.

Joe Walsh’s First Law of Argumentation: You can’t argue with a sick mind.

The Rule of Inevitability: The more you need to believe in something, the easier it is to pretend that it is so, and, subsequently, the easier it is to forget that you are pretending.

The Eden Axiom: Blissful ignorance is still bliss.

The Public Transit (and just about everything else) Axiom: There will always be another bus.

Tom Segura’s Basic Law of Humanity: Some people suck.

Dad’s Law of Work: Find a job with good hours and decent pay and accept it.

The McDonald’s Rule: 600 million people can be wrong.

The Donner Axiom: When there is nothing else to eat, you’re on the menu.

Adams’ Axiom of Politics: Anybody who actually wants to be the president is the last person who should be allowed to be the president.

The Sportsman Prayer: Oh, Lord, please don’t let me look stupid. Amen.

Greg Gardner’s Rule of High Visibility I worked with Greg Gardner on the grounds’ crew of Missouri State University in the summer of 1989. It was there that he taught me the Rule of High Visibility. We could spend the entire day burying irrigation pipeline in a field, and at the end of the day, if we had done it well, the boss could drive by that field and see absolutely no proof that we had done anything at all, leaving him to wonder what we'd been doing all day long, even though he told us to lay that pipe to begin with. But if we took an extra 15 minutes and mowed that field, then the boss would see we had been working, and he’d say nothing. And this is what I learned: It doesn’t matter how much work you do, or how hard you work doing it. What matters is what can be seen.

bottom of page