The Holy Grail Press
Doing Absolutely Nothing for Over 40 Years
Tuesday, September 10, 2024
Word of the Every So Often
bulwark: (noun) a defensive wall, either figuratively or literally; the sides of a ship that extend above the level of the deck, giving cover for those folks ordered to stand behind it. The bull will have to work pretty hard to get out of that bulwark.
Today's Holiday Is...
It’s National TV Dinner Day! On this day in 1953, Swanson introduced the first TV dinner: Turkey with dressing, cornbread, sweet potatoes, and peas. Even though Swanson stopped calling them TV dinners in 1962, the name stuck. Now we call anything that can be warmed up in the oven or microwave a TV dinner. So enjoy a TV dinner today while listening to ZZ Top’s song “TV Dinner” off their 1983 album Eliminator. The video is absolutely great, using Claymation to show the dinner coming to life.
Cartoon of the Week
B-FLAT (bē-flăt)
Without a doubt, Axel Gammenelli was the greatest insect trainer of all time, but his greatness was matched equally with tragedy, causing him to become virtually unknown. Gammenelli’s greatness, however, lives on in the phrases he has added to the English language.
Axel became the first person to ever successfully train bees, teaching them to spell in flight. As recalls Hoyt Newton, retired circus MC, “Yep, those honey bees of Axel’s was one sweet act. He stuck to it until he figured it out. The secret was having the queen dot the ‘i.’” It was on opening night that tragedy struck, when an elephant sat on Axel’s hive. There were no survivors. Axel also never received credit for the circus’s famous dancing elephant act.
FLEA FLICKER (flē flĭk/ǝr)
Giving up on bees, Axel had some success with fleas, but this, too, ended in tragedy when his entire retinue was unfortunately killed en route to Axel’s only chance at national exposure on the Ed Sullivan Show. It seems Axel’s fleas were accidentally shipped next to a crate full of flea collars. In a small, private ceremony, Axel had his beloved fleas cremated. Bufford Bullard, funeral director, noted that the ceremony was just “… a little flea flicker.” (Not shown)
ANTECEDENT (ăn/tǝ-sēd/ǝnt)
Axel, in his final attempt at success, became the first person ever to train ants. “Training ants,” explained Axel in his only known interview, “is an uphill battle.” After several years of intense practice, Axel had successfully trained his ants to locate dents in sheet metal. Unfortunately, nobody really cared. Axel sold his ants to a mail order firm and then retired from public life. He died quietly at a nursing home in Indiana in 1979.
STUFF
The Leprechaun
Aye, you found me. But there is no pot of gold. What would you do with gold anyway, but spend it, and then be wantin’ more? Always wantin’ more. But there’s a reward, if you can call it that. And only if you choose. Aye, just one touch of my sleeve, and then the next time you have sex, whether it’s with your spouse, your lover, a complete stranger, or yourself, it will be the best sex you will ever have. Unbelievable sex. Sex without compare. But wait! There is a warning. You will never have sex that good again. Ever. Though you may have sex again, and though it may be good, it will never be that good. And you will know it. Now, what will it be?
MORE STUFF
Relatives are God’s way of making you deal with people you’d normally have nothing to do with.
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