The Holy Grail Press
Proudly Made On Earth By Earthlings
Word of the Every So Often
murrey: (noun) a deep purple-red cloth (the colour of mulberry), or, as an adjective, that colour. Murry pained his car murrey.
Everyday History
On October 5, 1973, Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road album was released. Yellow Brick Road was Elton John’s top selling album, with over 30 million sold. I personally bought three or four of them. The big hits off the album were “Candle in the Wind” and that song’s B-side, “Bennie and the Jets,” which was Elton John’s second number one hit in the United States. For whatever reason “Bennie” was a crossover favourite on the “Hot Soul Singles Chart,” where it topped out at number 15. Elton John’s first number one hit, a song he claims to be one of his least favourties, was “Crocodile Rock,” off the 1973 album Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Only the Piano Player, which also featured the song “Daniel.” And lest we forget, Elton John would’ve been nothing without Bernie Taupin writing those songs. Taupin was the first songwriter to be given equal credit with the singer... well, at least for a while.
Tumbleweed Connection, which was Elton John’s third studio album, released in 1970, is perhaps his best, in that every song on the album was solid. On the other hand, Madman Across the Water, released a year later, is one of the best albums ever recored by anybody... but only the first side. The second side is tedious. But then, that’s true with a lot of Elton’s albums. Even Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, which was a double album, had some real stinkers, and this was before you could just jump past them on your CD player. “Dirty Little Girl” and “Jamiaca Jerk Off” are especially bad, and even “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” is hard to listen to. There is a rumour that Elton John died in a plane crash in 1974, after only recording the first side of Caribou, the album that followed Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. His talentless twin brother then took his place, who Taupin would have nothing to do with. And that explains why everything following that is really bad.
Cartoon of the Week
“’Amazing Navigational Skills’ my ass! Admit it. We’re lost."
Stuff
History of the Future: Tagging
It was on December 4th, 2028, that Seattle shop owner Felix MacGoogan, tired of the nightly “tagging” of his business’s outer walls by rival street gangs, just left cans of spray paint outside for them to use. Said MacGoogan, “What’s the point of even trying? I paint over their graffiti in the morning so they can put graffiti over my paint at night. Besides, what do I care what colour it’s painted? Paint is paint. And this way, I don’t have to do it anymore.”
Soon neighboring businesses joined MacGoogan and left paint out as well. Shortly thereafter, the entire city stopped trying. Seeing shop owners set out paint cans at closing became a common sight during the winter of 2029. It wasn’t long, though, before the gangs couldn’t tell their graffiti from even their own. Said one gang member, “It never really made much sense, anyway, but this is ridiculous.” The only way they found to stake out their territory was to completely paint the businesses in solid colours with tastefully coordinated trim. The practice quickly spread, and before long every gang in the city spent their evenings painting local businesses.
Said a former shop owner, “You never knew what colour the shop was going to be each morning. Sometimes it would be red, sometimes blue. You never knew. But they always cleaned up after themselves.” Indeed, it became a sign of power to have the best looking blocks. Soon roving bands of youth were brazenly planting shrubberies along the sidewalks. The sound of a weed eater was common at night.
In the spring of 2030 officials from other cities began arriving, trying to recruit Seattle’s gangs to come to their towns and wreck all the havoc they wished. Chicago and Indianapolis had limited success, but it never quite caught on.
Then, just as suddenly as it began, it stopped. Said one gang member, “Hell, that’s work.” It wasn’t long afterwards that the city fell into disrepair. Having gotten used to not having to do any maintenance on their property, nobody did. Pleas were made to the city gangs, who had all moved to the suburbs and bought homes of their own. Perhaps DJ Weeder, the head of the Toro gang summed it up best, “Man, nobody wants to hang out in the city. That place is a dump. Besides, who’s got time? I’ve got a yard to mow.”
Contact Us
Comments? Criticism? Insults? Money Orders?
Earl, our editor, wants to hear from you!
(But that doesn't necessarily mean you'll hear from him.)
Send your messages or bank account information to: