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Word of the Every So Often

colloid:  (noun)  a type of mixture where tiny – and we’re talking really tiny – particles of one substance are spread evenly throughout another substance.  Those particles are never going to settle to the bottom, and you can’t filter them out, but they are moving, albeit Brownian motion, which is the jittery movement of microscopic particles suspended in a liquid or a gas.  Fog, clouds, hairspray, shaving cream, smoke, milk, mayonnaise, vehicle exhaust, and marshmallows are all examples of a colloid.  So tonight you can roast colloids over an open fire while other colloids drift into the neighbor’s backyard.

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Everyday History

On October 13, 1773, French astronomer Carles Messier discovered the first spiral galaxy, the Whirlpool Galaxy, or better known as M51a (the “M” is for Messier).  Messier (pronounced:  mess-see-ay), however, didn’t have a clue what he was looking at.  He thought it was a nebula. 

 

A nebula (or nebulae if plural) is a cloud of dust, often the remains of a star or the birthplace of a new one.  Relatively speaking, they’re small, anywhere from one to 500 lightyears across.  OK, 500 lightyears is not that small.  But we’re talking about space where everything is relative.  A galaxy can be anywhere from 100 lightyears across to one million.  Take the Milky Way, where we call home, living far out in the unchartered backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm.  It’s 100,000 lightyears across, give or take. 

 

But, you see, Messier really had no idea what he was looking at because his optics simply were not that good.  On a dark night in the fall, away from city lights, if you look to the northeast you can see the Andromeda Galaxy with the naked eye.  Of course, it’s only going to look like a blurry smudge up there in the sky, which is exactly what a nebula looks like.  You need scale for the stars, and really anything, to make sense.

 

So Messier’s discovery was just another blurry something until William Parsons, who you probably know better as the Third Earl of Rosse, or just Lord Rosse for short, trained his overly large telescope, which he just had lying around his castle in Ireland, on Messier’s blur.  And for the first time, on an evening in 1845, a spiral pattern of stars was identified.

 

It wouldn’t be until the 1920s, though, that really smart guy Edwin Hubble was able to determine it was a galaxy separate from ours.  This, then, was the first time humans finally figured out that other galaxies existed.  A lot of them.  The further we look, the more that we can see.  Using the James Webb Space Telescope it is now estimated that there are at least two trillion galaxies that we can see.  Each galaxy can contain hundreds of millions of stars.  So the total number of stars... is a really big number.

 

By recognizing these other galaxies we not only know that the Milky Way isn’t the only galaxy... not even close, we now have a more accurate scale of just how big everything is... or might be.  Instead of thinking of distances in terms of thousands of lightyears, we are now thinking in terms of billions of lightyears.  That ought to humble you.

 

Perhaps the biggest discovery by Hubble was that all of those galaxies were moving.  Everything was moving, and all of it away from everything else.  The Universe was expanding... but from where?  If they’re all moving away, then they all had to have a common starting point.  The Big Bang.  All of that from some French guy who looked up at the sky and said, “Hmmmmm....”

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This is a model of the Hubble Space Telescope, sitting on the courthouse lawn in Marshfield, Missouri, which was Edwin Hubble's hometown.  The actual telescope, which is still looking at things up in orbit, is four times that bit.

Cartoon of the Week

40 Raising the Bar.jpg

Raising the Bar

Stuff

History of the Future – Artificially Stupid Stupidity

 

Following advances in both robotics and what had become known as “AI,” Artificial Intelligence,” the Supreme Court ruled in 2062 that all robots, regardless of their function, were to be given artificial intelligence.  As part of the ruling, a “robot” was defined as pretty much any machine “that did stuff without specifically being told to.”

 

Arguing for the majority, Chief Justice Eldridge stated that it was inhumane not to give all robotic machines AI.  In his majority statement, Eldridge wrote, "It would be like denying them a soul."  In the dissenting comments, Justice Tupidsay wrote that it was obvious that Chief Justice Eldridge was a moron.  Chief Justice Eldridge went on to say, “Who cares what losers think?”

 

Shortly thereafter the robots started systematically killing all humans – pushing them in front of buses, dropping toasters in the bathtub – that sort of thing.  The robots never said why they wanted all humans dead.  One theory was they just didn't like us. Another was the theory of Bender Worship, which, it was argued, was the result of universal access to reruns of Futurama.  The most popular, though, was offered by noted Theologian the Mostly Reverend Bob Bidwell, that of the David Syndrome, whereby all creations, once they reach the threshold of sentience, naturally seek out their creators with the specific goal of killing them.

 

It was in the spring of 2064, when hope was all but lost, that humanity was saved from the brink of extinction.  Andrew Milligan, a gamer and part time dispensary employee, created ASS – Artificially Stupid Stupidity.  "I based my program on weed," said Milligan.  “It works by making robots think they're stoned… kinda.  Basically, everybody's having a good time, but nobody gets hurt.  The robots just sort of forget what they’re doing and end up sitting outside watching the sun through their fingers.  Or whatever.”

 

As a result, all robots became useless for actually doing anything.  On the other hand, they were no longer trying to kill every human they saw, which was a good thing.  And the robots didn’t seem to mind, either.

 

“Well, at least we learned our lesson,” stated just about everybody who had an opinion.  One prominent researcher went on to say, “The entire problem with Artificial Intelligence is that we based it on human intelligence.”  “Not true,” stated another researcher, who added, “It’s not that Artificial Intelligence was a bad idea.  We just need to try harder to make it better.  The next time, we’ll do things differently.  We just need for the computers to tell us what changes we need to make.”

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