The Ballad of King Bob and His Horse Bill

 

This is the story of Wise King Bob

and his stead and companion Bill.

They rode not to pillage and rob.

Rode not to murder and kill.

 

They rode through country and county.

They rode o’er hill and dale

in search of the sacred bounty,

in search of the Holy Grail.

 

They traveled through wind, snow, and rain,

through mud and sleet and hail,

through locusts and plagues, untold of pain,

Chevrolet lug nuts and two-penny nails.

 

Through blackened night and driving sands,

blizzards and buzzards and hoary frost,

through Krsnas and Vishnus and bad rock bands,

and cold spaghetti without any sauce.

 

For seventeen years they traveled this way,

until finally Bill had had enough.

He sat down on the road to stay,

and said, “Boss, it’s time to get off.”

 

Said Bill, “My hooves are tired. My back is sore.

I’m ready to go back home.

If you want to carry on some more,

you’ll have to carry on alone.”

 

Good King Bob would not falter.

He continued on his quest.

So Bill laid down his halter

and returned to his home in the west.

 

When Bill arrived at the castle,

how the subjects did dance and sing.

Being without a king was a hassle,

so they made a horse their king.

 

King Bob traveled on many a year more,

‘till one day at a church rummage sale,

in a discount pile on the floor

Good King Bob found the Holy Grail.

 

Good King Bob, his quest complete

returned the way he came.

Bill gladly gave back the Royal Seat.

To the people it was the same.

 

And the Holy Grail... it came to rest

beneath a leaky window pane.

And there it does its very best

to collect the falling rain.

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